Dreaming Life » Dream Interpretation

Dream Journaling Through Life, Marriage, and Divorce

Ben — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 14:36:15 +0000

Few readers of this blog know this, but I am going through a divorce right now. In fact, I am 3 months separated.

It would suffice to say this is a pretty terrible period of my life. The upheaval this has caused in my day to day living is one reason why my work on Dreaming Life has been so spotty for most of 2008.

What I find interesting and want to talk about in this article is how I can see reflections of my marriage and divorce in my dreams.

…

I got married 4 years ago last month.

Around that time, and for many months, I had dream after dream of fighting off sexual encounters with women.

All the dreams were of the same theme: a woman trying to seduce me or otherwise become intimate with me, and my struggle against it.

In most of the dreams, I would not do anything sexual with the woman. Sometimes I would.

These were weird dreams & I often felt guilty about having them. Here I was just recently married, and I’m having dream after dream about trying not to have sex with other women!

I know these dreams were about my (unconscious) anxiety of being committed to one woman for the rest of my life. Having had a step-father who had an affair and seeing first hand the horrors this brought on to the family, I believe my psyche had a fear of myself somehow doing the same thing.

Even though I very often told my wife about my dreams, I never mentioned these dreams to her.

After some months, they faded away & I didn’t think about them anymore.

…

Fast forward a few years, and you can see from my dream journal some crazy shit.

In March of 2007, after a gut-wrenching experience of seeing my wife performing tango for the first time, a hobby that came to be one of the biggest points of tension in our relationship, I had the following dream, as noted in my dream journal:

Some horrible dream with in it…
He’s sitting on the couch, and he gets up, and I’m trying to push him back
He suggests/threatens that maybe he should go see her/touch her/in some way interact with , and I’m forcibly trying to push him back

This is the same step-father who had an affair.

In this dream he represents what I saw her dancing as; a threat to our marriage. And here I am struggling between my wife and my step-father, trying to push him away, and he keeps fighting to get at her.

…

The weeks after we physically moved out from living together, I have many emotional dreams on change, fear, feeling suffocated, and so on.

Here’s a snippet from June 19th, 2008:

I’m outside and suddenly there’s a enormous force in the atmosphere, pulling everyone and everything out, uprooting them. I realize it’s the end of the world - this is it, some natural disaster, global warning, something – and I’m going to die.

I try to think to myself of something important, of something to hold on to while/if I’m going to die, and I tell l myself “I love .”

Having a dream about the end of the world is bad enough, but the end of this dream was just… brutal.

I woke up and felt terrible. What was this all about? Holding onto my feelings for my wife when everything is changing? It was incredibly painful.

The next week on June 24, in my journal I find a summary of a different dream as:

>intense dream – unable to move, captive, going to die.

And so on.
…

While we were still together, I recall a dream of drowning and trying my hardest to keep my head above the water. (Which I did!)

Long before this, there was this dream of beautiful cinematic quality, again touching on the end of the world theme. It’s our final moment, and we know this. We hold each other tightly, exchanging a final “I love you.” Then we die together, arm in arm, as we (and the world) burn up in ashes.

…

And now in the present, where I am struggling with just going to work and staying afloat and deciding what to do with myself and my life, it’s interesting to see how this manifests in my dreams.

Hours ago I was in a different world, one in which I experienced many things such as being paralyzed by fear and unable to move or make a decision, with dreams of humiliation, fighting, and belittlement.

It’s no coincidence that I had these dreams last night after an evening of some rough emotional reflection my life.

…. …. …..

In summary:

Well, there is no grand summary, or happy ending to this story. Life is rough.

But like my Grandma said to me recently: this too shall pass.

And dreams will continue to live out our intense, internal emotional states, whether or not we even pay attention to them.

I think it’s enjoyable and rewarding to pay attention though. The stories that our dreams tell create a parallel world of that internal emotional state, complimenting the real life story of our waking life. It’s wild and weird and sometimes even painful to notice. Yet sometimes – helpful, too.

…

This blog post is different from most of my previous posts.

It’s more personal. Open. Fluid.

And I feel like this is really me writing.

I aim to take this blog to on a more down to earth, even casual, level, here on Dreaming Life.

I figured this post would be a good time to formalize that intention.

You Won’t Believe This But… Last Night I Fell In Love

Ben — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 22:27:14 +0000

I experienced an amazing dream last night.

I can’t get over it. And it’s probably impossible to truly relay how truly real and vivid this dream felt… but here it goes:

Imagine your favorite movie where two people fall in love.

Imagine those moments showing the defining sparks of that love; those shared moments where everything else in the world ceases to exist, and all of you is right there, with that other person.

Imagine you are suddenly no longer watching the movie but are inside the movie. You’re oblivious to who you really are; you’ve become the character, and experience their life as if it was yours.

Now imagine snapping out of it, and having the weight of everything you just felt hit you!

That’s what I felt like when I woke up.

See, I had this dream…

A dream about meeting a girl and falling in love.

A dream of those first few moments; that subtle acknowledge, that smile, corny jokes, those tiny details that cement what’s to come.

It was like a snapshot into a real situation, a sneak peak into a parallel universe that my dreaming mind somehow jumped into for a brief moment!

The details itself might bore you; seriously, think of those most wonderful moments between you and a significant other, and you’d likely struggle to relay these experiences to someone else in such a way that they’d understand the weight of the experience.

The same holds true for this dream.

The dream felt so real that I was scared to tell my wife about! I was scared she might actually be jealous. (She wasn’t.)

The dream character wasn’t real though. Her persona, hair, clothes, and the dream environment had elements of the last few days of people and places I interacted with, but I can’t even picture her face.

When I woke up that morning, suddenly, in the middle of the dream, I felt sad, like I just lost something. I didn’t want to leave! Not to stay for her per se, but for the wonderful experience I was having.

Do I think the dream means anything?

Yes.

I think the dream hints at how I miss those irreplaceable moments I had with my wife when we were first falling in love and life itself felt magical!

It sounds bittersweet, but…

After assimilating the dream and sharing it with my wife, the experience has actually become, for me, an emotional catalyst for what’s between her and I. It strengthens that realization of just how much I love her and how awesome it is what we have between us.

You might think this sounds cheesy…

But so be it; dreams don’t lie.

Why We Dream: The Expectation Fulfilment Theory of Dreaming

Ben — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 22:24:17 +0000

Recently I discovered a new website called Why We Dream, which explains a new theory of dreaming known as The Expectation Fulfilment Theory of Dreaming.

This theory has been put together by psychologist Joe Griffin, co-author of the book Dreaming Reality, as well as the Director of Studies at MindsField college, and a big player in the field of psychotherapy in general, evidently.

I encourage you to take some time to read the entire theory as put forth on their website. I found it fascinating, well thought-out, and thought-provoking. I also appreciate that the theory specifically addresses lucid dreaming as a real phenomenon.

So What is the Expectatation Fulfilment Theory of Dreaming?

The website states 3 premises that summarize the theory:

“Dreams are metaphorical translations of waking expectations”.

“But only expectations that cause emotional arousals that are not acted upon during the day become dreams during sleep.”

“Dreaming deactivates that emotional arousal by completing the expectation pattern metaphorically, freeing the brain to respond afresh to each new day.”

Below are the most interesting points I see in regards to this theory of dreaming.

Read up on the Why We Dream website and join in with what you think!

On Dream Interpretation and The Meaning of Dreams

“The key to identifying what the dream was about is its emotion.”

I think this is the most meaningful advice ever in regards to dream interpretation.

On Lucid Dreaming

“Theories of dreaming that do not allow for occasional lucidity are, necessarily, incorrect or incomplete, because lucid dreaming is an acknowledged phenomenon. Our view of the REM state and the function of dreaming does not exclude lucidity in dreams.”

“However, lucid dreaming is a fairly volatile and rare phenomenon, even for those who have experienced it, and so such hopes have not been realised.”

“Lucid dreaming occurs in the REM state like any other phenomenon involving memory, metaphor and imagination. The same effects can be achieved through hypnosis, a focussed state of attention that artificially accesses the REM state. Knowledge of how to do this has been around for perhaps 40,000 thousand years.””

Ah! Finally – a theory that actually addresses lucid dreaming without dismissing it!

But wait! Doesn’t that last bit almost sound like a dig at lucid dreaming?” i.e. “The same effects can be achieved through hypnosis…” Huh?

On FLYING in Lucid Dreaming

This one caught me off guard!

The author implies that flying in a lucid dream is common because we are touching upon an ancient, pre-mammalian template in our brains for…swimming!

To quote:

“They describe their limbs as pulling or propelling them through the air, as though swimming. It’s as if an ancient premammalian template for swimming, left over from a time when our far distant ancestors lived in the oceans, is still able to be co-opted by the brain for a metaphor.”

On the Similarities Between Dreaming and Hypnosis

They state 3 similarities between the two states:

Amnesia – Time Distortion – Trance Logic

I love this last term, trance logic.

It aptly describes how when dreaming and when hypnotized, people accept whatever is going on. It’s as if there’s no backdrop of what’s normal to compare the experiences against, and thus everything is accepted as it is, without question, no matter how absurd.

Side note : Based on these three points, this list can also be expanded as similarities between dreaming, hypnosis, and tripping.

On The Relationship Between Dreams and Depression

This theory states that excessive dream sleep and “reduced slow-wave sleep” causes depression. Check out their video about dreaming and depression.

On Dreams Being Actually Not All That Bizarre

This one surprised me too. The author claims that dreams are actually overwhelmingly NOT bizarre; most dreams are dreams of our routine experiences. We simply tend to remember the incredibly strange dreams, and forget the rest.

Unless it’s just true that I forget most of my dreams because they’re boring, this one just doesn’t vibe with what’s in my dream journal, so I have am skeptical about this one.

On Dreaming and…(not) Going Insane?

One point that is actually pretty funny is that Joe Griffin claims that dreaming keeps us from going insane. By derousing the autonomic nervous system every night, our stress levels don’t overwhelm us to the point of insanity. Whew – That’s a relief.

Questions I have about this theory

If this theory is right, it would be possible to create a scenario to cause an unfulfilled emotion that would then, by default, be fulfilled within that night’s dreams.

So couldn’t we purposely create unfulfilled emotions to cause a certain metaphor in the dream? To in effect, pre-emptively control our dreams?

But then how can you create an emotion and not fulfill it, for certain, before going to bed?

And then how can you actively measure if an emotion is even fulfilled?

Questions I would like to ask Joe Griffin in an interview

1) Is there a relationship between the mechanism behind dreams and the mechanism behind individual psychedelic experiences? Could the content of the “trip” be determined in the same way our dreams are i.e. from the days un-fulfilled emotional arousals to the nervous system?

2) Is there a connection between having many dreams each night and then waking up with headaches? Could I actually be causing my headaches by intensifying or prolonging the REM state with my intention to have, remember, and control my dreams?

3) Can you explain what you mean when you equate the effects of lucid dreaming and hypnosis? Are you saying that the experience achieved through lucid dreaming can be achieved through hypnosis?

What do you think about this theory of dreaming?

9 Tips For Improving Dream Recall To Make Your Dream Journal A Success

Ben — Tue, 22 May 2007 19:16:33 +0000

For years I’ve written my dreams down in different places; a day-to-day journal, a dream journal, on my home computer, on my work computer, even on post-it notes. It wasn’t until I started this website back in the fall of 2006 that I starting keeping an organized dream journal where I write my dreams down nearly every day.

I’m really glad I’ve kept up with this. I’ve recently organized and printed up 6 months worth of dreams into a binder! I can’t tell you how neat it is to have this at my fingertips. I’m able to see more clearly the overall landscape of my dream self. It’s interesting to see what people / issues / emotions / places continually pop up, too.

I’ve picked up a few tips and tricks along these many months of dream journaling, and that’s what I’d like to share today.

1. Begin writing down your dreams AS SOON AS YOU WAKE UP.

This is the mother of all tips for helping you remember your dreams. I write down my dreams on my computer in notepad before I do anything else. I’m often half asleep. I even will type with my eyes closed.

2. Use keywords or shorthand to quickly jot down important details that will later allow you to recall more details.

Dreams slip out of our waking minds like sand falling from a closed fist. Before the details are whisked away, it is helpful to quickly jot down whatever details you can from as many dreams as possible. This can be anything from writing down keywords, half-sentences, or quick summaries; the important thing is to “plant the seed” of the memory of the dream, so you can then go back and expand each dream using the keywords as triggers to help you recall more details.

3. Give each dream a title.

Don’t worry about grammar or a “good” title; the best title is the one that sums up your dream nicely. You can title the dream before or after you’ve written it down. Titling your dreams becomes a helpful reference point once you’ve got a lot of dreams written down.

4. Write your dreams down from a first person perspective and write them as if they are occurring now.

This is useful for two reasons: one, it’s easier to recall details if you imagine them in your head as if they are currently happening, and two, it gets quite cumbersome writing and reading dreams from a past tense third person perspective.

For example, what do you think is easier to read and understand?

“Last night I dreamed I was sitting over a bridge and that I was watching the water below me move by. I then dreamt there was a person nearby, standing by a tree. In the dream he might’ve been looking at me but he didn’t seem to notice me.”

“I’m sitting over a bridge, watching the water below me move by. I can see a person nearby. I think he’s looking at me but doesn’t seem to really notice me.”

Hopefully the second example is easier to both write and read!

5. Keep a list of emotions related to each dream.

There is often a disconnect between the simple details of a dream and then the emotions you felt during the dream. Quickly adding a line for “Emotions” in your dream journal for each dream will allow you to note all the emotions you felt during this dream. This will be even more helpful later on when you are reading your dream journal.

6. Write down the events in your waking life that triggered aspects of the dream.

I find it helpful to note any instances or connection between the dream and recent (or past) experiences. I call these triggers and at the end of each dream I simply include a line titled “triggers” and I jot down whatever connections I see from the real world into my dream. It is interesting to see what experiences tend to carry over into your dreams and this will also make dream interpretation easier.

7. Use a dream question template to help capture all the details of the dream.

Dreams are notoriously strange experiences; often simply writing down the main details fails to capture the heart of the dream due to the disconnected, non-linear, or bizarre details of the dream world.

I’ve written up a long list of questions to use as a basis for nailing down all the various pieces of a dream. My advice is to try it out and then customize it for yourself and your own dreams.

You will be amazed at how many details you will get out by going through a dream question template for each dream.

You can view my dream question template by clicking here.

8. Don’t read dream dictionaries or dream interpretation books.

Avoid them all and analyze on your own. Do not rely on a mass-produced opinion to tell you what your dreams mean!

9. Print up and organize your dreams into a folder.

This will make reading your dreams a breeze. Common themes will become more apparent and it will be easier to make connections between dreams and waking life when you can take in many dreams at once. Having all your dreams together in a bind is like giving yourself a present for all the time you’ve spent logging your dreams.

Please add your own comments and suggestions on this list. What has helped you with dream recall? What do you do that helps you keep a consistent dream journal?

Dispatches in Dream Interpretation: My First Dream Work Class

Ben — Thu, 10 May 2007 13:33:53 +0000

This week I went to the first of four Dream Work classes I’m taking at this new age Christian church in my town. These classes are based on the teachings of Jeremy Taylor and also to some degree on Carl Jung.

So what is dream work?

Essentially, we sit in a circle and share a dream one by one, retelling it as if in the present tense. People can ask you questions to clarify the dream and to get a better feel for what you saw and experienced.

Then, one by one, dream by dream, we retell each others dreams from our own point of view, beginning with the phrase “If this were my dream…”

This is called Dream Projection.

You take the dream as if it were your own and explore what it means to you in that context.

This then leads to something about yourself and maybe, or maybe not, a relevant interpretation for the original dreamer.

This is what I imagine group therapy feels like.

Before this class I was not familiar with this term “dream work”, nor was I aware that there’s dream work circles around the country and that it’s a little movement of its own with its own leaders and guides.

Truth be told, I have a tense relationship with the practice of dream interpretation.

I think dream dictionaries are mostly rubbish. I’ve never owned one. Through the power of suggestion, the definitions in the dream dictionary will end up projecting onto your dream what they think it’s about, not what you would otherwise think it’s about if you hadn’t seen it in the dream dictionary. It kinds reminds me of astrology.

The dream work classes do not use dream dictionaries, thankfully. But something is going on that just nags the skeptic inside of me to be on guard.

By the way, I should also mention the dynamics of the group and our setting. We sit in a circle in a big room that’s actually a bookstore.

(Seeing the books here is what caused me to call this place a new age Christian church. I saw titles by Ramtha (a children’s book!), Robert Monroe, Deepak Chopra, Paul Davies, and the Dali Lama!)

There’s only 5 of us in the class. That includes myself and the teacher. Everyone else is female and in their 40’s and 50’s. I feel a bit out of place being 26 and male, and I coincidentally I was wearing all black clothing that day too, so I hope I wasn’t projecting some lame “goth” vibe.

Anyhow, there’s 3 more classes left in the series.

Despite my skepticism towards dream interpretation methods in general, it is really interesting to meet with a group of people who are very interested in dreams but come at it from such a different perspective as I do.

Sometimes I think I’m too skeptic for my own good. (Or maybe I’m just shy about exposing myself in front of a group and I cover it up with skepticism.)

Honestly, I am trying to keep an open mind here so that I can take in something new from these classes.