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Dream Report : bad dreams, choppy dreams…

My dreams have been choppy lately, and my dream journal is in desperate need of attention. The two are probably related.

I had a really weird nightmarish dream the other night - demon children chasing me, weird symbolism and whatnot. I am sure this is related to some real life struggles.

I see my work creeping into my dreams more and more lately. I don’t like it.

And deep discussions my wife and I have in waking life slip into my dreams, too, like the conversations are just carrying on with or without my intention. It’s slightly amusing to have these issues we’re working out continue to be discussed in a dream like we’re both still awake, talking about things. I think my mind is racing, and just can’t stop.

…

A few weeks ago I had a short lucid dream. I’ll credit it to laziness more than technique.

It was one of those mornings where I blissfully kept returning back to sleep, no matter how many times the alarm went off.

Then:

I’m dreaming, and I know it. I’ve got to prove it to myself!

I try to put my head through the wall - not violently or aggresively like a head bunt, just, casually, I guess you could say. It wouldn’t work. (Damn the laws of (dream) physics!)

So I stopped trying so hard, and like a hand submerged into water, my head goes into the wall. It felt tight and uncomfortable, and warm, too. Not very pleasant.

Then I’m awake again, turning off the alarm.

Again and again, I notice that stepping back and not trying so hard often gets the results I’m looking for in a lucid dream. This is true for flying and walking through walls and other things that fall under the “this isn’t supposed to be possible” category. Funny how there’s this intersection between intention and casual acceptance that leads to manifestation.

…

It’s always interesting to hear about the dreams of my family and friends.

My Mom sometimes tells me about her dreams - and now that I think about it, my Dad very often tells me about his dreams - occasionally with the request for an interpretation. Now, I’m not very into dream analysis for others, but I do like to hear what they think.

She’s had some really wild dreams lately about murder and giving birth. (Symbolic or what, eh?) Many months ago she had a “dream” - she doesn’t really consider it a dream per se - and, in her words, awoke to have the spirit of her mother lovingly and angelically floating above her, only to be whisped away like a mirage that disappears as soon as you look at it.

I listen curiously, and offer little opinions. I like that it comforts her. She feels it was her mother, watching over her.

…

Here’s a thought:

When you’ve grown up and lost both your parents to death, the closest you’ll ever get to them again is probably inside a dream.

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What happens when you combine mindblowing psychedelics with a sensory deprivation tank? A look at the film ALTERED STATES.

The story revolves around a young scientist named Eddie Jessup, whose interest in his work overshadows everything else, including not only his marriage to but even his own well-being.

I read that the actors experimented with ketamine while making this film. I thought this was strange but awesome of them. Later on I discovered why they did it; ALTERED STATES is based on the life and work of scientist, writer, and ketamine-enthusiast John Lilly.

I did some searching and found an incredibly fascinating interview with John Lily interview on the Erowid archives, originally appearing in Omni magazine, about his life and his work and a bit on the film Altered States.

Learning more about Lily’s personality, life, and work made me appreciate this film even more. He, just like the character in Altered States, was driven nearly to madness, and almost to his death, for his passionate and all-consuming interest in exploring his own mind with drugs. This was no joke to him. I was astonished to learn that Lily once spent 100 days straight on ketamine.

Despite the fact that this makes him sound like a crackpot, he was a real scientist with a number of mainstream accomplishments under his belt. He is credited with inventing the sensory deprivation tank in order to learn if the brain needed external stimuli to “stay awake.” He also devoted much research into inventing a technique for communication between humans and dolphins. (I would very much like to know where this research went; in the interview, nearly 25 years ago, he states that we’re about five years away from breaking the language barrier between humans and dolphins.) He also published many books over the years on his own experiences and scientific research.

….

I loved ALTERED STATES from the very beginning – the sense deprivation tank, the crazy drug trips, the religious nature of his hallucinations (including burning crosses, visions of hell, and scenes from the Book of Revelations). I also enjoyed spotting the side references to Charles Tart, Timothy Leary, and amanita muscaria. (And being that I was born in 1980, I’m sure I missed quite a few other things key to 60’s and 70’s drug culture.)

The plot moves along pretty quickly and goes something like this:

• After attending a shamanic religious ritual and tripping with a bunch of Indians, Eddie brings back a few grams of the drug for scientific analysis.

• Once he combines this unknown drug with the sensory deprivation tank, the movie really kicks up it’s psychedelic heels and takes you for a crazy ride.

• At this point, these trips in the tank have become much more than just journeys of the mind. The combination of the sensory deprivation tank with this unknown drug allow him to tap into the genetic history contained within every cell of his body. First he regresses into a primal, pre-human ape-like creature. Ultimately, by the end of the film, he regresses back to the very beginning of existence itself, terrified by the overwhelming nothing that he becomes one with, and saved from it only by his love for his wife, Emily.

Some of the imagery is fitting for a horror film and I certainly don’t recommend anyone trip while watching this fun. Ultimately this film is a throwback to a post-60’s scientific culture when scientists were allowed to experiment with mind-altering substances in the lab. If you’ll excuse some of the cheesy dialogue and the under-developed romance between Eddie and Emily, you’ll find a fascinating film about drugs, the brain, and the nature of reality.

Sidenote: I’ve not had the chance to get inside a sensory deprivation tank but would really enjoy doing so. I would love to hear from you if you’ve had a chance to use one. I’d also be curious to know where it is and how you were able to use it. Maybe you’d want to write something about your experience and we can post it on the blog?

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Dreaming While Awake: Thoughts on the film Waking Life

My thoughts after seeing Waking Life:

“Holy shit - this movie really is all about lucid dreaming!”

“What the fuck was that guy talking about?”

“This is really awesome and yet sometimes really boring.”

“This guy talking about how turning on or off a light in a dream and how it won’t work – I love this scene. And 360 vision – hell yea!”

“This crazy animation style is going to give me a headache!”

“I need to watch this movie again and take notes.”

This isn’t a normal movie with character development, a climax, and so on – it’s more like a philosophical look at dreams, waking life, and reality. It’s about a guy seemingly lost in a dreamworld, wondering from dream to dream, sometimes thinking he’s awake, and sometimes knowing he’s in a dream. He meets different people everywhere he goes, and the ensuing conversations leave you confused, intrigued, and excited.

These conversations cover a lot of ground. For those interested in spending some time with the themes of the movie, the Waking Life script is online here.

This is a rare type of film, both in content and technique, whose shortcomings are made up for it’s ability to get you thinking about something you’ve probably never thought before.

My Favorite Scene

Some Quotes

Doesn’t it make sense that death too would be wrapped in a dream? That after death, your conscious life would continue in what might be called a dream body?”

“There’s only one instant, and it’s right now, and it’s eternity.”

“They say that dreams are only real as long as they last. Couldn’t you say the same thing about life?”

“Did you ever have a job that you hated and worked real hard at? A long, hard day of work. Finally you get to go home, get in bed, close your eyes and immediately you wake up and realize… that the whole day at work had been a dream. It’s bad enough that you sell your waking life for minimum wage, but now they get your dreams for free. “

(More Waking Life quotes)

PS. It is purely a coincidence that this film is called Waking Life and then I come out with a blog called Dreaming Life. I actually came to this name while writing down my dreams and found it to be an efficient term to designate something that happened while sleeping. I wasn’t aware of the film Waking Life at the time.

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Why I Haven’t Posted In The Last 2 Week: Confession Time…

Life has been rough lately.

Making that time for Dreaming Life between an increasingly demanding job, my role as a husband, and just dealing with my life is partly to blame, but it goes deeper than this.

To be honest, I’ve been struggling with personal issues that have taken up much of my time and emotional energy.

I think I’m experiencing some growing pains of adulthood. This is a rough transition, ya know? In the last few years I’ve gone to school, gotten married, bought a place, and started a real career. It’s a lot to take in, and somewhere in between it all, I struggle to find personal fulfillment and just plain happiness.

I know writing helps keep me sane - I’ve kept journals all my life, and this blog is an extension of that need to write. The best part of doing it here though is that I don’t just write but I converse, connect, listen, and learn. So I know through it all Dreaming Life will stay up because I need this outlet to keep me sane.

I’m revving up to publish some cool things soon - like an interview with the founder of the Aether Lucid Dreaming Retreat (the first one of which is happening right now in Mexico this week!), a review of the film Waking Life, and a discussion panel with some of my favorite bloggers and thinkers on lucid dreaming. (I can’t wait for this last feature to go public!)

So stick around for what’s coming. Dreaming Life isn’t going to fade away, it’s just going through growing pains along with me.

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Attention Fellow Bloggers!

The second edition of Dreaming Life’s carnival is coming out Novembe 28, 2007.

If you’ve got a blog post about dreams, lucid dreaming, OBE, NDE, brain science, and even posts from a skeptic viewpoint on the aforementioned subjects, please submit something to be featured.

Click here for the general info on the carnival.

Click here to go directly to the submission form.

I am happy to say that with the first edition I was able to promote some wonderful blogs and blog posts. Click here to check it out.

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Aliens, Demons, and Sleep Paralysis : What a Way to Wake Up!

I’m in bed, lying on my side. I can see myself in the mirror, but I cannot move.

My body feels like absolute dead weight. I struggle to move at all.

I move my hands and arms around; I can feel it happening, but am puzzled because they are completely invisible, 100%. I don’t see them at all!

I hit my hand against the bed. Nothing.

I throw myself to the floor, and struggle to move bit by bit. Only I’ve not moved at all, now I’m again on the bed, lying on my side.

There are others in the room. I can’t see them, but they are there.

It’s 2 females. They are behind me. They are simply there, as “presences.” They are somehow controlling the situation. I understand that they can do whatever they want to me, including a “re-do” of this entire situation, erasing my memory of it, and replacing it with a new one of their choosing.

Iryna is there, although I don’t actually see her. She is resisting. Only one of the female presences ever speaks, and at this time she says for me to tell Iryna to do whatever they want. She doesn’t say it in these words, or even close to these words, but I understand.

The entire time, I’m still frozen on the bed. I don’t say anything. The same woman speaks again, repeating something 2 or 3 times. It’s directed at me, and it’s a threat. I fear I will feel pain coming at me from behind at any moment if I do not cooperate.

I then say in a dreary voice, “Do whatever Elisa wants. Do whatever Elisa wants.”

I am frightened. On my dresser I see the outlines of a small woman’s body lying there. Behind me, by looking in the mirror, I am able to see the outline of a man’s body through the blinds. His shadow stands there, watching.

Then I hear my cat make a small sound, and the whole dream / paralysis unlocks without hesitation.

I lay in bed for a second, baffled, and realized I am actually awake. I get up. I see there’s a pile of clothes on the dresser that without my glasses on does create the image of a woman’s body. I turn around and see that there is a shadowed outlined of a man’s body on the window, created by the trees and the sun. However, my wife is not here, and those 2 invisible entities in the room? They are gone, too.

My cat however is nearby, still playing and making noise.

…

This just happened 45 minutes ago. I’m still dazed by it.

I believe I’ve experienced sleep paralysis in combination with an open-eyed dream.

What I find fascinating with my experience is its parallels with UFO abduction stories, old-fashioned tales of demon-visits and possession, and even similarities to the reported effects of DMT.

Consider the following:

I am unable to move.
I have no control over the situation.
There are beings with god-like presences in the room with me.
These beings lack of physical presence, but I know how many, their gender, and can hear one of their voices.
They are making this situation what it is and can do whatever they want with me.
They can erase and replace my memory of this situation with whatever they choose.
They threaten my wife by making me tell her to do whatever they want.
I see 2 other people. It’s unclear if they are threats to me or who they are, but there presence is frightening.

In other words:

Invisible entities with god-like powers who have 100% control over me, paralyzing my body, who can do whatever they want to me and then erase my memory of it!

If I were living just a few hundred years ago, this dream would easily be interpreted as demons giving me a little visit in the night. The elements of the bed, the paralysis, and the understanding that they can do whatever they want to me and erase my memory of it, creates a sexual backdrop to the story. That being said, many people claimed to be raped by demons and even Satan himself in the night back just a few hundred years ago.

In modern times, a story like this fits in nicely with UFO stories, where aliens come in the night, paralyze you, and do whatever they want with you, and then erase your memory of it.

So…

Was it demons or aliens?

Or maybe…

Maybe many experiences with demons, aliens, gods, and angels are based on a combination of sleep paralysis and an on-going dream, projected into the physical reality around the dreamer, watching with open eyes yet still dreaming?

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